humor


Since I didn’t blog about Pinas independence day, I was thinking that it would be distastefully unpatriotic of me doing so for my patron country of 11 years. But then again, we ourselves cannot acquiesce whether it’s June 12 or July 4, which gives me a rather lame excuse to do so.

Singapore’s 42nd national day was last Thursday. Not that I’m dilly-dallying with the greetings. It’s just that I was just pretty occupied on that day binge drinking with a Singaporean friend. The guy is perfectly a snug fit to Pinoy culture. Our drinking culture, that is: drinking to really get drunk!

Yesterday I was in servile with the company whom I expect to toss me out like a worn out rag in less than a year.

Before I really get off-tangent…

We flew here one year, or so, after our marriage and practically raised the family in this “little red dot, one degree north of the equator”. The years  would be a dead give-away that we somehow come to like place. It’s a place we feel we can a give good headstart for our kids so uprooting back to pinas, or to any country for that matter, anytime soon is not on the radar screen.

I guess this is second home to us despite my not-so-many animosities to certain facets of life. Like you have to have a TV and radio (for cars) license, where the suicide per capita is one of the highest, where locals normally don’t brush their teeth after lunch making meetings in the afternoon a dreaded affair, where the length of the skirts is kept to the minimum leaving little to the imagination, where visible cleavage is redefined as the crack not of the bosom but of the posterior.

On the second thought, I’m taking back the last two.

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This would probably been the closest I’d look like If I’d been lucky enough to be included in Simpsons Movie.

I’m sexually active, quite conscious to what I chow, not a stick for 11 years, and drink moderately. Which makes  me more of a mesomorph dork.

Got this idea when I dropped by kwentong tambay.

Me and my morbid sense of humor….

Dumaan ako sa Bengawan Solo after lunch kanina para bumili ng mangunguyang pang-meryenda. ‘Ngapala p’rekoy, Bengawan Solo (named after a river in Indonesia) is a storechain here in Singapore selling cakes, cookies and kuehs. Parang Goldilocks ang datingan. Bumili ako ng talam ubi, an old favourite kasama ng kueh kosui (kutsinta) getuk ubi (nilupak na kamoteng kahoy), etc.

What really caught my sinful eyes was their durian pukis….

Hmmnn…anong kayang amoy at lasa???

Walastik naman talaga dito. Biruin mong it took me almost a month to get a replacement for one of my engineering operator! Generally, “allergic” kasi sa cleanroom type of job ang typical na Singaporean kaya karamihan ay taga-kabilang lupa (Malaysia) at taga-malaking lupa (China) ang nagtratrabaho sa mga semicon firm dito. After a trickle of applicants (3 lang ang nag-apply), kinuha namin yung Indian applicant from Malaysia. High school graduate s’ya with working experience not-so-related sa job function. Although, I was hoping to get someone with at least a good exposure in wirebonding, okay na rin kesa wala. Actually hindi naman ako ganoon ka metikoloso bossing, hindi baleng maganda at seksi as long as she can do the job.

Kung sa Pinas ito siguradong pinutakte na ako ng mga applikante. Siguradong the next day na mag-post ka sa classified madaling araw pa lang mahaba na ang pila. Most probably kasama sa pila ay mga magaganda college grad.

Kahit umangat na ng konti ang estado ng pamumuhay ko ay naiwang bakyang-bakya ang taste bud ko. Although nadagdagan na ng konti dahil sa sojourn ko dito sa gastronomically exciting red dot, halos ganoong mga pagkain pa rin ang nakakapagpatulo ng laway ko.

Isa na rito ang sardinas…

Holy week kasi at syempre pa, tradition na na minimal o walang buhay na karne. Lunes pa lang naka set-up nang mag-gigisa ako ng sardinas sa upo nitong sabado kaya nung minsang nag-grocery kami ni esmi, top of the list s’ya.

Isa ang sardinas sa sinasabing pagkain ng mga dukha sa Pinas. Pero alam n’yo bang napakasustanya nito?

Recent terrorist bombings revived the need for the national ID system which Lacson (a fan of the “Father of Singapore”, Lee Kuan Yew) said has been on the backburner since 2001. I hope our idiots lawmakers are jolted enough to make this happen.

It is true that you have to trade in a bit of your privacy and freedom if you want security. I guess the choice now is quite obvious. Except of course for left leaning groups, like Bayan Muna, who blabber against about anything and everything and yet always come short of realistic alternatives. Political opposition is beginning to be as annoyingly absurd as them. See Rez Cortez and Nino Muhlach lately on their midst? That how absurd they have become!

Don’t misconstrued me as a fan of GMA either! She’s despicable as well!!! It’s just that the opposition is pathetically worse than her. Before I digress to much…

Nothing to fear if you have nothing to hide.

Basically, this ID will keep track of each and everyone (here in Singapore you are required to update your place of abode which is reflected on the IC) and legitimize existence. The logic is simple: you want big brother to protect you, let him know you exist.

This ID system can in fact simplify everything. Like here in Singapore, the IC (identification certificate or for us, ID) is the only requirement when dealing with about anything, including motel check-in. I discovered this few months back, with my wife in tow. Don’t expect me to do a Freudian…hehehe!

Those who swear by true democracy is claiming that the ID system can be abused (as if without it you are not vulnerable). Maybe, but then again, once you weigh the pros and cons, the former will surely stand out. The system can be fine tuned to minimize the cons, anyway.

At the first glance of my IC number for my PR (permanent residency), I can’t help but smile with the simplicity and ease of it. It was easily etched on my memory and I just love this number:

*696069**

Talk about rhyme and reason…;)

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“Release Misuari!”

This came from no less than Congressman Imee Marcos (just typing her name gives me that loathful shiver) and tough guy Davao Mayor Duterte.

Imee is saying that the rickety snail-paced wheel of justice precipitated the attack and it’s best to release Nur. This would stroke terrorist’s ruffled feathers and thus, will halt them from doing their evil acts. This is the same wheel that worked pretty well for them (the Marcoses). I’m wondering, why is she disenchanted with it now? There are two words that I can best describe long gone Ferdie, intelligent and greedy. Apparently, mademoiselle only inherited the latter.

I was aghast hearing it though from Duterte, the fearless unwavering mayor of Davao. Criminals, specially those minors and petty ones that were scythed out of the face the earth summarily, shudder just hearing his name. His tough stance made Davao one of the “most peaceful” place in Pinas. Cowed, huh?!

Lumalakas na naman ang peso natin (P54.85=US$1), isang magandang senyales. Sana tuloy-tuloy na ito, wag sanang maudlot. Abot tenga rin si Ate Glo nang ipangalandakan n’yang mataas ang GDP (gross domestic product) natin. May potential naman talaga tayo bilang isang bansa. Sa katunayan nung nakaraang 1997 Asian crisis, isa ang Pinas sa mga di nabuwag.

Kailangan lang talaga ng matinding political will, hindi ubrang populist ang mga nakapwesto. Gaya ng issue sa VAT. Aminado naman tayo na matindi ang tax leakage at corruption, pero sa kalagayan ng bansa natin at sa kompleksidad ng problema, hindi uubrang ayusin lang ang problema, we will miss the boat ika nga–the boat to recovery and progress. Kailangan may containment. Dito papasok ang VAT. It’s a bitter medicine that we have to swallow.

Dapat lang na tingnan mabuti kung alin ang mga dapat ma-exempt to maximize the gain and to cushion the impact sa mga mahihirap. Pero dapat in parallel, para may pakunswelo sa mga mamamayan, makita natin na seryosong inaayos ng gobyerno ang mga tax leakages at corruption.

Upbeat din ako dahil gumagalaw ang con-ass (constitutional assembly) para maging parliamentary/federal system tayo. So much for the check and balance na principle ng bicameral. We are too democratic to a fault. Naniniwala akong mapapabuti tayo kapag naging unicameral, bawas pulitika. I don’t intend to bore you with all the arguments at isa pa, lalayo tayo ng husto.

Anyway, di lang kayong mga nasa Pinas ang apektado ng pagtaas ng piso. Kami ring mga nasa labas ng bansa, adversely nga lang. Diluted ang buying power namin, pero sa akin okay lang yon. Ewan ko lang sa ibang utak ipis na mag-ngungungoyngoy na naman. Mas maganda naman para sa lahat kung susuriin mo yung bigger picture at long term effect nito.

At dahil masaya ako para sa bansa natin, share ko sa inyo ang kwento ni Inday…

Marie: “Inay, inay, may 20 piso po ako!”

Inday (Inay ni Marie): “Dyaskeng bata ka, saan galing yan!”

Marie: “Umakyat po ako sa puno, tapos dumaan si father, nakita n’yang wala akong panty. Ayon, pinababa n’ya ako at binigyan ng pera, pambili ko raw ng panty.”

Inday: “O sige, sige, akina yang 20 mo at ibibili kita bukas. Maglaro ka na sa labas. Saan ba yung punong yon?”

Maya-maya lang…

Pagbalik ni father nadaanan n’ya si Inday na nasa taas ng puno.

“Hoy Inday, bumaba ka nga dyan! Hetong piso at bumili ka ng blade! Ahitin mo yan ha!”